Scene 3 Jack’s House
Jack: Hey, where have you been for so long?
Jill: What do you mean, long. I was just gone for a few minutes. I was down at the shitter.
Jack: I’ll have to move that closer.
Jill: Oh no, don’t move it, Jack. It’s just beautiful where it is overlooking that canyon, and with that stained glass and wood working..
Jack: Oh, isn’t that beautiful
Jill: Oh, I love it.
Jack: You know that woodcarving took three months to do. That lotus flower has 47 petals and it was done with a Swiss Army knife.
Jill: I’m impressed.
Jack: You are?
Jill: Yeah, really. You really are a good craftsman.
Jack: Spring did it.
Jill: Oh, ha ha
Jack: Yes, but I made the toilet seat.
Jill: Oh, the one with all the splinters, huh?
Jack: Here, let the doctor examine you. I’ll give you a lollipop. (they smooch, briefly)
Jill: Oh, I noticed you were reading that book, Shogun? I saw it out in the shitter. God, I love that book. It’s like, to me, it’s a great classic. You know, 1 just really respect it. Don’t you love that book?
Jack: I’m not reading it. I’m just using it for toilet paper.
Jill: Shogun for toilet paper?
Jack: Sure, man. Why not? It’s got 1200 pages. And they’re all soft.
Jill: you’re putting me on…. Hey, Jack, you still, you still see Spring?
Jack: Sure I still see Spring, what do you think? She’s my land partner.
Jill: Yeah, I know, I rnean, but are you still, uh, uh, do you sometimes wish that you were still lovers?
Jack: Spring is celibate.
i1i: Oh, that’s right. Yeah. She told me that.
Jack: She’s been celibate for two years now.
Jack: Well, unless she’s been seeing that little green man she told me about.
Jill: Hey, she wasn’t celibate when you guys were living together, was she?
Jack: Yep. Six long months.
Jill: Oh, Jack, (groan) that must have been really hard on you.
Jack: Hard on me is right.
Jill: Ha ha. God, can you believe It? We’ve been in bed for three days.
Jack: Yeh, I know, my back is killing me.
Jill: And this is the first time we’ve really talked.
Jack: What do you mean. We talked all last night. Don’t you remember? You were saying “uh”? and I was saying “oo”, and there were a couple of “ahh’s” in there. Don’t you remember that?
Jill: Yeah, I remember, but you know what I mean, a conversation.
Jack: Oh, real words?
Jill: Yeah, you know, you tell, me what you’re into, what you do, then I tell you…
Jack: Oh, c’mon, I’m just a regular kinda guy. You know, I have 40 acres, I live in a house. I have a pick up truck and I truck in and out the road and get food, fix my water lines, fix my gardens , play ping pong…
Jill: Ping pong!
Jack: Yeah, I love to play ping pong. It’s a great game, just all action and reaction, no time to think. It puts you into a Zen state of mind. The Chinese are really into it.
Jack: And I grow dope.
Jill: I don’t grow dope. George always has these weird friends around, you know, and I get paranoid of getting ripped off or busted.
Jack: Yeah, I dig what you’re saying, but, you know what? I like to grow a lot. You know , plants have a lot of energy. The more you grow, the more energy you have. Anyway, it’s exciting . Around harvest time, it’s like a John Wayne movie. You get up in the morning and you look up and there’s a plane. Neeeeeeooww. A helicopter, nih nih nih nih. Four wheel drives going up the hills, CB’s blasting. And you run up to your garden and you’re goin’ oh God, oh shit, should I pull’em? Yes, no, yes, no. Somebody help me. Aaaaa. But you know, when it’s all over, you can sit down with your plants and feel blessed that you made it through another year. (Touches Jill, regards her lovingly) Umm, what a lovely female. I think I’m gonna manicure this one first.
Jill: I‘m gonna have to go pretty soon, you know. I gotta go pick up my kid, Miko. I was supposed to get him three days ago.
Jack: Oh, that’s right, you have a kid.
Jill: I told you I have a kid.
Jack: I know, I know. I’m not saying anything. Everybody’s got a kid.
Jill; I guess I’ll smoke that joint before I go. (Finds Jack’s harmonica on the table next to the joint, which is huge, throws it to Jack, lights up the joint) Play me a song, Jack.
Jill smokes the joint in a manner befitting such a huge one. Smoke goes everywhere. Band starts in a heavy blues beat, to which she moves, as she gets more and more obviously stoned. Jack joins in.
Well, I met me a woman, at the laundromat
A fine lookin woman and she knows where it’s at
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, sho’nuff
She’s long and tall, ‘bout six foot three
You know I m gonna find out what she can do for me
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Don’t you love me cause I’m pretty, ‘cause that’s gonna change
It’s the nitty gritty, you’ve got to arrange
When I’m feelin shitty and my mind is deranged.
Don’t you love me cause I’m pretty, cause that’s gonna change.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
(They sink onto the bed in a heavy embrace, begin making love.)
(Larry enters unseen and extremely stoned. He walks over unseen creatures, eyes tracking hallucinated birds, etc.)
Larry: Whooooaaaa. Wow. whooaa…. excuse me (stepping over a hallucinated critter of some kind). Ain’t that beautiful.
(Jack and Jill , startled, sit up and regard him with increasing wonderment.)
Jack; Hey, Larry, you do those mushrooms I gave you?
Larry: Yeah, all of em. All of em. All of em. Just now. Whooooo. Hey, hey, Jack. There’s this beautiful rainbow. It’s coming right out of your ear and going through the air, right into Jill’s left nostril. Wow. Look at that. And now you guys are meltin, you’re both meltin, meltin and me1tin, and meltin. Drip , drip, drip. I gotta take a leak.
Jill: Is he gonna be all right?
Jack: Yeah, that’s just Lonesome Larry. Hey, you want me to drive you back now or what?
Jill; Nah, Miko’s probably asleep already. Take me in the morning.
(They settle down to sleep. Jill, half asleep says) Jack, think I love you.
(Drums and rattles are heard in a heartbeat rhythm. Jack, dreaming, is up on the first beat in a T’ai ch’i-like stance, looks around warily. Death leaps out behind him on the second beat, moves with Jack as he begins to move around the room looking for Death, who is always behind him.
Finally Jack starts to turn, Death whirls away offstage.)
Larry: Freeze! Get your hands up. Get your hands up. Get your hands up!
Jack: What are you doin’, what….?
Larry: You’re under arrest.
Jack: Under arrest! What are you talking about?
Larry: You’re under arrest for murder!
Jack: Murder! Murder! who’d I kill?
Larry: Who’d you kill?! Why, (pauses to think) you killed Jack! You killed Jack. You killed Jack. You killed Jaaaaaaack!
(Exit Larry. Enter Spring dressed as a Nature Spirit.)
Spring: (chanting): Jack, do you remember the nature spirit I told you about? (indicates Jill) Well, there she is!
(Enter Larry, clown disguise gone, carrying a ping pong paddle.)
Larry: Hey Jack, hey Jack. Sit down here. Sit down. (seats him on bed) Hev Jack, I got a great way of fixin’ a house. All you gotta do is open your mouth and swallow this stick. And Jack, I gotta great way of fixing a car. All you gotta do is swallow this log. And Jack, I got a great way of finding happiness. All you gotta do is swallow this tree.
Spring: (chanting) Jack, do you remember the nature spirit I told you about? (indicates Jill) Well, there she is.
(Jill rises, places a marijuana leaf wreath on her head, dances on bed.)
Larry: Hey, Spring, Hey, Spring. Which tree should I cut down? This one? (standing beside Jack, begins to chop him down with the ping pong paddle)
Jack: Hi, Larry, what are you doing? Hey, Larry, I’m not a tree. Larry, don’t you recognize me? Larry, Larry….. (falls down like harvested tree)
Spring (stomping over and placing foot heavily on Jack’s back): You always stepped on my flowers. You always stepped on my flowers. You always stepped on my flowers.
(Exit, Spring, stomping.)
Jack: Spring! I never meant to. I never meant to, Spring. I just have big feet. (gets up)
Larry: Hey, Spring, which tree should I cut down, this one? (re-enacts tree cutting)
Jack: Larry, for god’s sake. I’m not a tree. Larry, Larry, Jesus Christ! Oh shit (falls)
(Enter Loretta, dressed as Shirley Temple, with gigantic lollipop, skips over to Jack, singing.)
Loretta: On the good ship, Lollipop. (stops, regards him in a child-like mariner) Hello. Would you like a little lick? You could have it all if you would open up. (exits) Open up…open up….open up….
(George is heard from offstage, with loud knocks.)
George: Open up. Hey, open up in there. Is this Jack’s house?
(Following lines are spoken two or three at a time, simultaneously)
Jill: Oh, God, it’s George. Jack: Christ
Miko (from offstage): Hurry up, Mom. lt’s raining out here. Jack: What a wierd dream!
Jill: Wet dream?
Jack: No, weird dream. George: Hey, we can hear you in there, Jill.
Jill: ok, ok, I’m coming.
Jack: How in hell did he find the house? Jill: (dressing frantically) I don’t know. Just a minute, Miko.
Miko: Mom, I’m getting’ wet.
Jill: I’m sorry, Jack. George: Hey c’mon, Jill, hurry up. It’s raining.
(Jill goes to the door. Enter George and Miko. Lines are now separated.)
Jill: Miko, how ya doin? (hugs him)
George, sarcastically: So this is the house that Jack built, hahaha.
Jack; Yeah, hahaha. A long time ago.
George: yeah, back before they had framing squares, huh? hahaha. Hey, now did you rnake that cut, anyway, wIth a bow saw/?
Jack: Oh no, chain saw.
George: Yeah, well, it looks kinda rough.
Jack: Well, things were rough in those days. You know?
George: Yean, life was rough, wadn’t it? (taking off raincoat, shaking it all over Jack, then throwing it on the bed)
Jill: Hey, Jack, I’d like for you to meet my son, Miko.
Jack: Hey, how ya doin, Miko. Heard a lot about ya.
Miko: I’m hungry.
Jack: You’re hungry. Hey, how about if I fry you up some eggs? How would you like that, huh?
George: He don’t eat eggs, man.
Jack: Don’t eat eggs, huh. Hey, how about some oatmeal, I got some good syrup…
George: He don’t like oatmeal , either, man.
Jack: Well, does he like peanut butter sandwiches?
George: I don’t know, why don’t you ask him? hahaha
Jack: You want some peanut butter and jelly?
Miko: Sure, got white bread?
Jill: Oh no
Jack: Ah, well, actually I do have some white bread. Larry left it here. God, that guy eats the crappiest food.
(Exit Jack and Miko)
George: So, Jill, what’s the trip?
Jill: What trip?
George: You drop Miko off, say you’re going into town to do the laundry and you don’t come back for a week.
Jill: George, it’s only been three days. You don’t have to make such a big deal out of it. I was havin’ a real good time.
George: Well, I think you owe me more of the food stamps.
Jill: C’mon, George, I already gave you half the food stamps and you don’t even have Miko half the time.
George: Hey look, that kid eats like a horse.
Jill: Well, he’s your kid too, man. God!
George: Yeah, he ate me out of house and home.
Jill: Oh, god
George: And it don’t look like you been doin’ much eating. Food, that is.
Jill: Sick, George! You’re gross! Forget it, you’re not getting another cent out of me. Why don’t you leave me alone. I’m in a good mood.
George: Hey look, why don’t you , just get your stuff together and I’ll give you a ride home.
Jill: I’m not going to go back to the land right now. I’m gonna stay over here.
George: What, with him?
Jill: Yeah, I don’t know what’s gonna happen but it’s really mellow right now and I just don’t feel like leaving yet.
George: Yeah, but what about me, Jill. What about me and Miko? Huh?
Jill: What about you, George?
George: Well, you said you wanted space, right? So I gave you space.
I moved out of the house, didn’t I?
George: Well, you try living in the bus for a winter.
Jill: No, thank you. C’mon , George. it’s been three years, you coulda got something else together by now. When are you going to realize that you don’t have anything to do with my time and space anymore. Miko is the only thing we have in common. We can be friends, share certain things, be nice to each other when we meet, share the land…
George (reconciliatory, trying to hug her): Look, Jill. I‘m not trying to own you. I’m not trying to possess you or tell you how to live. I just want things to be like they used to be. You know, me and you and Miko.
Jill (shaking him off): C’mon, George, don’t touch me.
George: Oh, Jesus Christ! I give it two weeks at the most.
Jill: Thank you, George. You’re a real friend.
Jack (re-entering from kitchen): Give what two weeks?
George: Uh, uh, nothing, man. I was just taking odds on your relationship. hahaha. Hey, you got any dope to smoke? Huh….? (looking around. Finds joint Jill was smoking on the table)
Jack: Yeah, you found it.
George: (holding up the huge joint) Yeh, here’s a roach. haha
Jack: ha ha
George: (inhales deeply, coughs, gasps, recovers) Hey, this is pretty good stuff. You grow it yourself?
Jack: On no, Me? Oh no. Granny grows it for me. She comes up every Sunday after church and works in my garden for some shake.
George: Hey, man. All kidding aside, you’ll have to show me your patch someday.
Jill: Oh George. That’s not cool.
Jack: George, you know the only patch of mine you’re going to see is the one on my butt.
George: ha ha ha Jack: ha ha ha
George HA HA HA Jack: HA HA HA
(It gets louder and louder as they approach each other like two baboons and glare at each other)
Jill (breaking in aggressively): KNOCK IT OFF!
(They both turn and stare at her. She becomes feminine)
Jill: a heh heh heh
Jack: George, by the way, don’t you know Pontiac arid Eddy Buck?
George: Yeah, man, they’re friends of mine. What about it?
Jack: Well, your friends just got caught ripping off, you know.
George; Are you accusing me of being a rip off? You can’t do that lightly around here, man. People get blowed away for that…
Jack: That’s true but people also get blowed away for ripping off, too, right?
George: Hey, man. I ain’t no rip-off. I ain’t never ripped nobody off.
Jill: Hey, c’mon you guys. Let’s keep it mellow, ok? (aside to Jack) Jack, I don’t think George would do anything like that.
George: Yeah, man. You should listen to her. Why she used to know me when I was a big rnan, back in the old days, Summer of Love, 1967, Haight-Ashbury, right? Why, I could a been a funk rock star if I’d a wanted to. Hit it, maestro!
(Enter dancers, Jack sits down and accompanies George on harmonica.)
Well, I left L.A. in 1965
Hustled, panhandled just to stay alive
When I was a roady for the Grateful Dead
I’d do a little dealin just to feed my head.
(Chorus) Well, I’m a funky country boy, livin my life for free
I’m a funky country boy, don’t mess around with me.
Now I got me a cabin up in the woods
Built it myself and it came out good.
Just big enough for my woman and me,
But she ran off and left me up a tree. (Chorus)
Now I’m all alone on top of a hill
Left with a kid by a woman named Jill
Well, I don’t mean nobody no harm
You get in my way and I’ll break your arm. (Chorus)
George: Well, Jill, I’ll be by on Sunday to pick up Miko.
Jill: I’ll see what I’m doing Sunday.
George: Hey, if you don’t come home on Sunday, then I’m comin over here to get Miko, O.K?
Jack: Listen, George, why don’t we save ourselves a lot of trouble. Why don’t I drive out to your land and get Miko?
George: Yeah, man, and you know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna go home and move into the house. You can bring your truck and move Jill’s stuff out of my house, man, you can have it all.
Jill: You wouldn’t dare.
George: Oh, yes I would. You can take it or leave it.
Jack: Hey, George
George: What, Jack?
Jack: Did you give me my lighter back?
George: Here, man (throws it to him). Fuck you, Jack. (exits)
Jack: (fiddling with lighter) Well, it looks like it’s just me and you.
(Enter Miko with sandwich. Sits on the bed next to Jill and Jack. Jill puts her arm around him.)
Jill: And Miko.
Jack: Oh yeah, and Miko (flips on lighter thoughtfully, lights dim snowing the three of them in the light of the lighter).
End of Scene